Outreach Booth Idea: Century Heaven Real Estate

It’s always fun to think of new ideas for getting religious people to actually THINK about their beliefs, and attempt to apply logic to the concepts they claim to follow.

The idea of heaven is always a fun one because it’s so full of logical contradictions.  I’ve been told by many religious people that in heaven, you don’t have to live with the effects of injury, disease, or aging because you get to pick your own age of life in heaven.

hOK, but this creates a problem — what if your grandma decides to be in her 20’s in heaven.  When you’re both dead, you’re not going recognize or identify her, and even if you do locate or connect with her, she’ll have no idea who you are — or who your parents are, because they weren’t conceived yet.

Even worse, consider the case where you and your father die and meet in heaven — and he’s chosen to exist there as a rebellious teenager.  Not only do you have the recognition problem, but he might hit on you for sex… AWKWARD!  But all totally plausible under Christianity’s concept of “heaven”.

If you’ve ever been to any community’s ‘street fair’ you’re going to find at booths sponsored by a real estate company, and one for the local church.  Both make money, and LOTS of it… tax-free for the church.  My idea is a combination of the two:  Real Estate in Heaven!

That’s right!  For a “small” down-payment, you’ll fully own a beautiful mansion in the “Beverly Hills” of heaven.  Yes, you’ll be the envy of other religious nutjobs with a signed deed showing your ownership in the most prestigious zipcode in the sky!

Out booth display would look much like your typical real estate booth, but with a large shimmering gold cross in the center, with photos of mansions we are “selling”.

Every agent needs a good catchy name, how about Reverend Billy Grahamhole, and Reverend Jesse Jackcracker?  Maybe Rev. Joel Ohsteamy, and Brother Popolube?

The agents could pitch these heavenly mansions, but before a purchase is made, the buyers will have to be qualified.  Wearing glasses?  Nope, God doesn’t allow those with eye defects into heaven.  Wearing clothing of many fabrics?  Nope.  A man with long hair?  NOPE.   A man without a long hair?  NOPE.  Ever had a divorce?  NOPE.   Don’t hate your kids?  NO.  The rejection letter can be equally hilarious.